


You love him, don't you?

by BoiJustLetMeBe



Category: Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gay John Laurens, I love angst, John loves Alex, Lams - Freeform, Laurette - Freeform, M/M, Marriage, Short One Shot, Unrequited Lams, Unrequited Love, bar setting, based on a video, being gay is illegal, but alex married eliza, hamiliza, laf is a good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 22:15:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20955773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoiJustLetMeBe/pseuds/BoiJustLetMeBe
Summary: John is finding it hard dealing with the fact the love of his life Alex has married a woman, more importantly, a person that is not him. But Laf knows how to help him over come his troubles.





	You love him, don't you?

**Author's Note:**

> Again, this is another one i wrote two years ago but is slightly better quality. It is inspired by: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dejyLlnzk2c so you can check the animation out, though this youtube channel only made the pitch change the animation is by Mushroomie who greatly inspired my love for lams.
> 
> Here we have some more sad Lams/ John suffering over Alex... Nice enjoy!

It was a week after Alex and Eliza's wedding, and John was sitting by himself at the bar with a big pint of Sam Adams in front of him and a scrunched up photograph of Alex and Eliza about to kiss on their wedding day, in his hand.

He wasn't coping very well. He knew he was stupid for even thinking he had a chance with Alex. From the moment Eliza and Alex started going outright to the moment they got married, John thought it was just some nightmare and that he would wake up any second with Alexander by his side.

But now the reality was starting to sink in. John was starting to realize all his hopes, dreams and plans for the future were destroyed. Alexander Hamilton, the man of his dreams, the source of all his fantasies, the person who owned his heart without even knowing it, was married to someone who wasn't him.

Every day he would try and drown his miseries with alcohol. Trying to get rid of the throbbing pain in his chest. 

He knew his love was forbidden. A man loving another man, goodness gracious, his father would never allow it; nor society in general, for this was a time where it was classed as sin. But God, John was ready to sell his soul to Satan if it meant being with Alex.

He had never told anyone about this one-sided love, which had started as soon as he set eyes on the man.

That would only complicate matters. So he kept his feeling close to his chest and locked them all away. John had fooled everyone, at least that's what he thought.

It was a cold, dark, windy and damp night. The bar door opened, letting some of the cold air in. The little bell at the top of the door rag, but John paid little attention to it. 

He was too distracted. John could feel tears starting to form in his eyes, he hated the feelings inside him, and he had no-one to blame them on. He couldn't hate Eliza from she's just amazing, and you will never find anyone as trusting nor as kind. He couldn't blame Alex, for he loved him too much, and it wasn't his fault, though John was rather annoyed at his obliviousness. Then he couldn't put his feelings on anyone else because no one knew. Which meant he was left to suffer alone.

John was too consumed in his thoughts to notice someone sit down next to him and order a drink. 

The situation going around and around in his head, until a voice pulled him out of his painful thoughts.

"You look terrible, mon amie." John's head shot in the direction of the thick accent. There sat Lafayette, holding a small glass with a golden looking liquid in it. He knew he looked terrible, lack of sleep and drunk every night.

Laf was John's closest friend, he knew John like the back of his hand, they had always been together. Laf knew how John was feeling and could read him like a book. Meaning he was also the only person who had been able to connect the dots.

"You've looked better yourself." John responded in a raspy voice. Lafayette wasn't there to mess around so he cut straight to the chase, "John we both know the tears you shed at Alexander and Eliza's wedding weren't tears of joy," that shocked John, so not knowing what to say he just looked at the ground. He wasn't drunk enough to have this conversation.  
But Laf wasn't going to stop there, he knew John had lost of emotions trapped inside him that had to be let out. And there is only one way with John. He was going to push him over the edge. 

Laf glared John in the eyes, he could see the pain burning up inside him, Laf felt as though his heart was being squeezed. 'Tough love that's what John needs' he thought.  
"You think you've got everybody fooled don't you?" Laf started bringing the drink to his lips as John diverted his gaze. "Well, not me honey, I've known you too long," he peeked at John through the corner of his eye who was gazing the other way, sorrow in his eyes. "And no matter how hard you to try to deny it, I can tell you care as much about him as Eliza does." Laf smiled sadly still looking at John.

"Do you admit that you love him? And I know that you do." John was reaching his breaking point, tears starting to form in his eyes, Laf leaned towards him laying a hand on his shoulder. But he wasn't going to stop there, not now that he had already started. "That short persistent man has somehow gotten in under the wire." 

John thought about Alex his first and only love, how just before he had met him he was telling Laf that he would never fall in love. How he had set up a barrier that no one could pass, his heart was in a cage of barb wire. But when Alex walked in his heart went boom, and everything changed.

Laf continued, "And that's what's happened huh?" the tears started streaming down John's cheeks without him even realising, emotional pain to much to bear. His heart really was stupid.

"Go admit the truth." Laf was feeling cruel but he knew it would do him good. 

Now that the tears had started it wouldn't stop. Laf took the scrunched up photo from John's hand, flattened it out and put it on the table as they both looked at it.  
Finally, he finished off "You love him? Don't you?"

That was it John couldn't keep it in any longer. "YES!" he screamed turning his gaze to Lafayette "Y-yes, I -love him. I've loved h-him from the first m-moment and I will all the way to the l-last." the tears still streamed down his face and his voice was shaky, but he didn't care anymore.

"A-all these years this forbidden, o-one sided l-love has been tearing me apart. Slowly..." John turned his gaze to look at Alex in the photo, moving his fingertips across the figure in the photograph. "I've never told a soul about this. But somehow you figured it out, but I guess that was expected from you." his tears started reducing.

They looked each other in the eyes when finally John said: "Thank you, I needed to get that off my chest.", "Of course, now let's get you home. You've gone through a lot." They both stood up, "Please don't tell anyone about this.", "Of course not, mon amie." and just before they left John murmured, "And Laf... Please stay by my side..."

With that Laf pulled him into an embrace and quietly whispered back, "Forever."

**Author's Note:**

> I WROTE IT AGES AGO IM SORRY! Still comments and kudos help my self esteem... JK but thx for reading and putting yourself through that. Love you xx


End file.
